


Autunno

by la_chicas_mix



Series: Songs from a broken chair [2]
Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: Europe, European cities, Fiction, Inspired by Music, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_chicas_mix/pseuds/la_chicas_mix
Summary: A collection of small vignettes loosely inspired by the song Road Again by Noah Reid.
Relationships: Dan Levy & Noah Reid, Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Series: Songs from a broken chair [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749205
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> In this AU they’re both single (just because I feel so bad about making Clare so miserable by association)
> 
> The order of the towns visited is a bit random, it doesn’t really follow a natural flow of how a tour would be planned, but hey, that’s the beauty of fiction, right?  
> And no, there's no freaking entourage because that would kill the mood, alright? :)
> 
> Autunno is Italian for Fall/Autumn - I struggled to come up with the title for this series but the tour is supposed to be happening in the fall so I thought it wasn't too off-topic (and it is a word that I really like)

“I miss you so much” Noah whispered down the phone after a long pause in their conversation.

“God, I miss you too” came Dan’s reply, voice wobbly and brittle.

Life had been odd in the last few months. Their relationship, if what they had could be called a relationship, had had to be put on hold with the global pandemic that took the world by surprise in the first half of the year. It had taken them years to finally admit their feelings for each other and when they eventually did, after a few drinks in a dark bar in LA a couple of hours after Noah’s concert in February, it had felt magical, it had felt more than right, like the goal they had both been working towards for such a long time finally yielded the desired fruits. But Noah had a tour to continue, and then travelling restrictions were put in place, finalising with an international lockdown that prevented them to see each other, face to face, for six painstakingly long months.

Summer had come, restrictions lifted, life had gone back to normal. Routine adult stuff, responsibilities and boring shit had become the priority. Everybody’s first concern was to sort out jobs, finances, future plans and see family.

When Noah told Dan that he wouldn’t be able to see him for a few more weeks while he sorted things in Toronto, Dan was disappointed, but he understood. He had a nationwide tour to reschedule, some marketing events to attend for the promotion of his new album and he had promised his parents to come and stay with them for an indefinite amount of time.

“But hey, the European tour in the fall was never cancelled. Why don’t you come with me? It’s five cities in two weeks, it could be fun”

“I’ve got shit to sort out as well Noah, a new show to write, a movie to promote… I can’t drop everything for you”

“Not asking you to drop anything, Daniel. But if you could take 15 days off your schedule, it could be a great experience for **_us_** ”

“I’ll think about it”


	2. Paris, France

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I remember that night in room 663  
> seems long ago you were tellin’ me  
> about things goin’ wrong in Italy  
> while I talked about my favourite sport again

“Bienvenue à l'Hôtel La Comtesse, comment puis-je vous aider?”

“Erm… Hi, I’m Noah Reid, I’ve got a reservation?”

“Of course, Monsieur Reid. I will check you in in an instant.”

Noah turned to face Dan while the receptionist was checking the computer. Noah couldn’t help but feel a rush of affection run through his veins looking at Dan’s profile, who was looking down, concentrating trying to connect to the hotel’s guest wi-fi. It had not been difficult to convince Dan to come to Europe in the end, and Dan had not put too big of a fight. They both wanted this – more than want, they needed this alone time. But Dan being the stubborn man that he is, pretended that he had to think about it, he wanted Noah to beg. So Noah begged. And here they are now, after a very long international flight where Dan mostly slept, checking into a hotel that maybe was a bit too out of the budget set by the record company but that Dan had insisted they needed to get, as the view of the Eiffel Tower just made it perfect.

“Monsieur Reid. Here’s your card, room 663. The lifts are to your right, the bar at the end of this corridor, next to the restaurant. Breakfast is served until 11 am but you can always take advantage of our 24/7 room service. Do you have any questions?”

“No, thanks. That is great, thank you so much for your help”

“You’re welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay in Paris”

The room wasn’t big, they had stayed in much bigger hotels back in the States and Canada. It was decorated with a modern twist, clean crisp lines, which surprised both of them, as the décor in the lobby and in the corridors had a mixture of classic elegant elements mixed with little modern touches. But the view… wow. The view was stunning. The bed was positioned right in front of the balcony and the sight of the Eiffel Tower inundated the room. Dan was absolutely thrilled. He stayed out in the balcony, taking in the view for a long time while Noah put their bags away and checked the bathroom facilities.

Dan came back in into the room and laid on the bed, spreading his arms and legs, in the shape of a snow-angel, stretching his limbs, sore from travelling. Noah sat next to him, looking down at him fondly and caressing his hair.

“I’m exhausted. Can we order room service and stay in tonight? We’ve both been to Paris before, right? We won’t be missing much?”

“That is actually an excellent idea, Daniel. Let’s order in”

A while later, having finished their charcuterie, grapes and baguette board, and well into their second bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, they were both feeling tipsy. They were in the room’s balcony, looking out into the busy early evening streets of Paris, beautifully glowing in yellow lights in a cloudless warm fall night. It was true what they say about Paris being the most romantic city in the world. Maybe it was the cheese, maybe it was the wine, but they were both buzzing with amorous intent. This was the first time the had been alone together since LA in February and their bodies knew this, where this night was headed.

Noah closed his eyes, sighed deeply but silently while resting his head on Dan’s shoulder. His breathing was calm, peaceful. With his eyes closed, he trusted the rest of his senses to guide him through Dan’s body. Noah’s nose was inching towards the nook of his neck, inhaling his perfume and allowing himself to be inebriated by his scent. His hand came up next, fondling Dan’s chin, his stubble, gently moving it towards his nape and lingering his fingers across the short hairs there.

“You know…” Dan started “I tried to tell you how I felt in Tuscany last summer”. There was only softness in his voice, no hesitation, love perhaps.

Without moving his head or removing his hand, Noah whispered “you did?”

“Yeah…” Dan replied with a growing smile in his face, his eyes looking idly into the distance, remembering those lazy days under the Tuscan sun. “It all went wrong though”

Noah straightened up and glanced into Dan’s eyes. “Well, that’s mysterious… now you need to tell me more”

The evening chill was settling in, so they headed back inside into the room. They closed the balcony doors but left the curtains open in order to keep enjoying the view of the Eiffel Tower from their sitting up position on the bed. They refilled their drinks and settled facing each other.

“What happened?”

“I chickened out. Never found the right opportunity. You were always fucking talking about baseball with the guys and…”

“Wait, what? You didn’t tell me that you had feelings for me because I was talking about sports with other guys?”

“It’s not the most romance-inducing subject, is it?!”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Daniel! We wasted months!!” Noah’s tone sounded angry, but he was laughing.

“Did you know then?” Dan said once the laughing stopped.

“Know what?”

“That you had feelings for me?”

“Yeah… I knew then. It wasn’t clear to me what it was for a long time. I always knew you were fantastic and loved working with you, but the blurred line between Patrick and me didn’t become apparent until a bit later. I definitely knew in Tuscany and yes, I was a chicken too”

"What a pair are we, eh?" 

"But we know now, right? You know I love you, yes?"

"I do Noah, I do."


	3. Vienna, Austria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I remember that night on the Danube  
> with a beer and a joint i can hand you  
> and all the talk of the things that we planned to do  
> on the walk through the dawn at 4 am

The streets were almost empty at this time of the night. Or was it morning? The roads and pavements were wet with the remnant of the rain that had been falling earlier that night. The temperature was definitely cooler than it had been in Paris, but it was still pleasant enough for Dan and Noah to only be wearing a sweater and hoodie respectively. Additionally, they could not possibly feel the cold right now. They were too wasted.

They were uncontrollably ambling around dark and narrow cobbled streets, pushing each other against the beautiful stone buildings, stopping every so often to steal frantic kisses off each other, exhaling moans that echoed in the quiet roads. Laughing and crying at stupid anecdotes, reminiscing about bloopers and crazy nights on set. Remembering the filming of their first kiss, how they had had to stay on set until well into the night because of bugs, sent them both onto the floor, the literal representation of rolling on the floor laughing.

Noah’s show had finished a few hours ago, and rather than going back to the hotel straight away, they decided to take advantage of Vienna’s thriving nightlife. Some guy at the venue gave them some pointers for good nightclubs, places that they would enjoy but would not be full of tourists. They found themselves in a modern bar that suited them perfectly. The establishment was divided in two very well-defined zones. One was loud and bright and full of people closely dancing to seductive music. The other was darker, moodier, where groups and couples seemed to be inching closer to each other on inviting couches, murmuring secrets in ears and dangerously moving hands under pieces of clothing.

They sat down on the darker area and ordered some cocktails. Sooner than imagined, they soaked in the mood of the club and they were sitting on the same couch, looking into their eyes with their free hand resting on each other’s thighs. The mood was sensual and they were feeling frisky.

After a few drinks they decided to leave this club and find another one that had also been recommended. They stumbled outside at the same time as another group of three guys, roughly their age, Dutch they said they were.

“Where are you headed, guys?”

“We’re going to check out this other club that we’ve been recommended – do you want to join us?” The open invitation caught Noah by surprise. He wasn’t expecting not to have Dan’s undivided attention this evening. He needed him for himself.

“Nah, cheers though… We’re going to have a joint and call it a night for today… Would you guys want one?”

At this, Noah turned dramatically at Dan, nodding his head like a child at the mention of candy.

“Sure, thanks guys! Have a good night!”

Suddenly the need to go and hit another nightclub wasn’t so urgent.

They roamed the dimly lit streets for what felt like hours. Some street lights were starting to be turned off as the sky lightened up with the promise of a sunrise in the horizon. They were walking very slowly, unable to keep their hands off each other. Tipsy and a bit high, whispering declarations of love into their necks and their chins and their mouths.

“Fuck Noah, you’re so fucking hot” – lick on the neck

“You’re not too bad yourself” – fingers through hair

“This city is so beautiful. We need to come back here again” – thumb across cheekbone

“We will, Daniel. What else would you like to do” – palm over the back, pushing closer

“I want to go back to the hotel and I want to suck you and I want you to fuck me hard against the mattress” – grind against crotch

“I can do that. What else” – hand halfway down buttcheeks

“I want to be yours forever” – another grind

“You’re fucking mine” – finger ghosting the crack

“I want everything Noah” – hand up and down length

“Let me give you the world” – bruising kiss

A few hours later, after nowhere near enough sleep, the alarm on Noah’s phone beeped announcing the impending check out time at the hotel. Their getting ready routine wasn’t a well-practiced one, they had not been in this predicament enough times to have anything resemblance of a routine. But they managed to go through the bathroom, get dressed and to pack their things in a seemingly choreographed pace.

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, perhaps it was the hangover, but they went through this whirlwind of activities in a deafening silence. Only after they had checked out at the reception desk they stopped on their heels to look at each other.

Pulling his sunglasses down, Dan tipped his face to look at Noah.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah… Last night…”

“I know…”

“I….”

“Me too…”


	4. Rome, Italy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I remember that night on the statues  
> when you told me those demons attacked you  
> and now you ain’t got a thing to go back to  
> and how you’re scared that you might just explode again  
> and I said man you better get back on the road again

Viewing every city at night was becoming a bit of a habit. They would rest during the day, making good use of the hotel facilities, they would go to the venue early to do soundcheck and make sure everything was in order prior to the concert, and they would finally spend some hours wandering around the cities after the concert. Once the mobs of tourists had retreated to their own hotels after spending the whole day on their feet.

Rome was always manic. During the day, there were hordes of people everywhere. In every single point of interest. And although the streets were still busy at night, the atmosphere was different. More relaxed, more _locals taking their city back_ type of thing. 

They leisurely walked the quiet streets late at night. Dan took Noah to one of his favourite spots in the city, the Trevi Fountain. During the day, the fountain was spectacular, so imposing with its central statue of Neptune looking down, checking on every single one of its visitors as they walked past. At night, the delicate lighting cast mysterious shadows, making Neptune’s triumphant pose even more grandiose.

Dan was fascinated by it, looking at it with the same magnetism and glow that he had had in his eyes the very first time he visited as a teen. It never ceased to impress him, no matter how many times he had seen it.

Dan turned on his feet, eyes searching for Noah who was currently at the other side of the fountain, probably admiring some tiny little hidden detail that would have escaped your average tourist.

“Do you know about the tossing a coin tradition?” Dan asked as he finally approached Noah’s spot.

“I’ve heard about it, but don’t know the details”

“Tradition says that you will return to Rome if you throw a coin into the fountain. You should toss it with your right hand over your left shoulder with your back to the fountain. And you're not allowed to look behind you while you're tossing the coin”

“I also heard something about falling in love?” Noah countered, with a cheeky smile and looking straight into Dan’s eyes.

“Ah, yes” Dan replied nervously. “Legend also says that, if you throw two coins, you’ll return to Rome and fall in love. And if you throw three coins, you’ll return, fall in love _and_ marry”

A hearty laugh came out of Noah’s chest.

“How many coins did you throw the last time you were here?”

“Wouldn’t you want to know?”

“And how many coins have you got on you now?”

“How many do you want?”

Their flirty banter continued for a couple of minutes longer but then Noah noticed a shift in the mood, probably initiated by himself. Noah held Dan tight in his arms, his palms grabbing snugly across his waist. With serious eyes, he held his gaze.

“Can I ask you something?” Noah asked.

“Anything”

“I know you based some of David’s character on some of your own experiences. …Was his backstory autobiographical? You know, having been in abusive relationships”

The silence that fell between them was quite telling.

Dan seemed to consider the question. The uncertainty reflected in his expression, he was not sure how to proceed. This was a part of his past that he wanted to stay in the past. But Noah had been curious about it for a long time. Dan had always been so private about his relationships, there was no way of knowing unless he asked.

“Sorry Dan. Shit, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s ok”

More silence.

“So, no. The answer is no. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship like it was implied that David had. There have been no Sebastien Raines in my past, however…”

Another pause.

“…I did get lot of shit at school and high school. I suppose I was different, different to most of my peers, and a few kids in school thought it was amusing to taunt me and bully me”

With hesitation in his voice, he continued, his words coming out slowly, with pause.

“One day things got out of hand and they corralled me in one of the toilets. They grabbed me, and pushed me, and…”

Bitter, slow tears were now flowing down Dan’s cheek. Noah held him closer, caressing the nape of his neck and murmuring sweet words into his shoulder.

“Shhh… It’s ok Dan, it’s ok. You don’t have to say anything more”

“I hadn’t thought about that in years”

“So sorry, I didn’t mean to bring back such bad memories”

“No, not your fault… it’s the thing with repressed memories, isn’t it? They come back and haunt you when you least expect them. And I was already due a breakdown… They happen sometimes. I just… explode, and the feelings come out running out of me”

Noah held him closer and urged him to stop talking. They stood there, by the statues, embracing each other and ignoring the questioning looks from passers-by.

Noah murmured promises into Dan’s ear. Promises to keep holding him, supporting him, defending him if needed, for as long as Dan would have him.


	5. Budapest, Hungary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I remember that night at the Szimpla Kert  
> I couldn’t read the signs I didn’t know the words  
> We got sassmouth and balktalk we did not deserve  
> Felt that lump risin' up in my throat again

“What the fuck is this place?” Dan asked, eyes like plates looking around with half a grimace half a smirk on his face.

“It’s a ruin bar”

“No, I can see that… I can see it’s in ruins”

“Come on Dan… lighten up. We can’t be in Budapest and not come to the Szimpla Kert. I read somewhere that it was the first bar set up within the abandoned ruins of a neighbourhood which had been left to crumble”

“This sounds very idiosyncratic and unique, but it wouldn’t kill them to clean it from time to time”

“I can’t believe you right now… It _is_ clean, it’s just made to look like this”

You could say that Noah was more chilled, more pragmatic. Whereas Dan was more cosmopolitan, more sophisticated. Completely understandable from someone whose favourite country is Japan – the country of politeness and cleanliness. Still, there were experiences that had to be undertaken, and the Szimpla Kert was one of them.

Noah had been here a couple of times before, granted it had always been with his friend Andreas, who had lived in the city for over 10 years and knew the place quite well. This was the first time Noah had been to Budapest on his own – well, with Dan obviously – but he felt like he knew the place well enough and was able to serve as a tour guide to Dan.

“Grab a stool while I go to the bar, what do you want to drink”

“Is there like a drinks menu for me to choose from?”

“Hang on, let me get one”

Noah approached the bar and waited patiently for a barman to catch his eye. When he finally did, the barman approached and said something in Hungarian that Noah did not understand. Sheepishly, Noah said “Hi sorry, do you speak English?”

It didn’t happen often, particularly not in big capital cities, but it had happened to Noah a couple of times before where his attempt to use English as a first point of communication was not necessarily well received by the locals. He was obviously aware of this, of some people either not speaking English or not appreciating the lack of effort from foreigners to even attempt a simple greeting in the local jargon. But it still caught him by surprise when all he got back from the bartender was a sneer and what sounded like a bark in Hungarian.

Noah’s shock only got bigger when a guy who until now seemed to have been in deep conversation with his friend standing next to him, turned around to face Noah and said with a strong accent “another fucking American”, uttered with pure disdain.

Dan noticed the exchange from the distance and rushed over to the bar as he noticed Noah’s face, grimacing and blushing and not knowing where to look.

“Everything ok?” Dan asked, slightly panicked voice raising from his chest.

“Yes, yes… perhaps we should find somewhere else to go” Noah said quickly, eyeing the exit.

“That’s right, külföldi, go find somewhere else” came the voice from Noah’s sour neighbour.

As soon as they were outside it felt like they were in a different world altogether. The vibrancy and joy from the people in the streets contrasted enormously with the bleak interaction that they had just experienced inside. The fresh air outside slapped them in the face, bringing them out of the darkness they’d felt inside.

“Hey, you ok? You seem shaken”

Noah couldn’t quite get the words out, the lump currently sitting on his throat preventing any semblance of sound coming out. After a few slow seconds, when he was trying to regain his self-control, he finally let out a sigh.

“Yeah, let’s move on, this shouldn’t spoil our evening”

“You sure you’re ok?” Dan’s voice still carried some hidden worry.

“Yes. More than ok. Let’s go and have fun” The certainty in his own voice was almost enough to convince himself. But the constant enquiring stare from Dan made him reassess his answer.

“I was just not expecting that. But it’s fine. Shall we take the party back to the hotel?”

Dan didn’t want to go back to the hotel. He’d never been to Budapest before and he really wanted to explore more of the city. But just one look at Noah told him that his own wants must come after Noah’s needs. And Noah really needed to clear his head in a quiet place, and no better place than the privacy of their cozy hotel room.

That night they had angry sex. They had never done anything like that before. Every single encounter before had been wrapped by a sense of newness, of gentle exploration, of desire and certainty beyond any doubt. But Noah had something to get out of his system this night and Dan allowed Noah to use his body to let those feelings loose. It was rough, it was unpolished. It was surprising and breath-taking.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I needed that. Thanks so much for understanding”

“Anything for you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, I posted Rome before Hungary... should have been the other way round. Sorry!


	6. London, United Kingdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But I remember that night in the mirror  
> there’s peace in my soul when I’m near her  
> and she don’t sing all the much but I still hear her  
> every night as I try to stay afloat again

The rain had been incessantly pouring down for the last 12 hours. It was something to be expected of London, but Dan was still a bit peeved. He had been looking forward to showing Noah those hidden parts of London he had discovered when he lived here a few years back. The ones outside the tourist traps, where you can find the authentic London feel. Brixton, Shoreditch, Islington… And he wasn’t going to let the rain stop them, however he had to admit that running for cover and being soaked to the bone weren’t the favourable circumstances he had dreamed of to enjoy town.

A sudden downpour while walking down a busy road made them take cover inside a pub. They didn’t get a chance to properly take in the façade as they hurried in, but they would stop to notice the intricately decorated and bright emerald green tiled exterior later on, on their way out when the rain had briefly halted.

Despite being early afternoon on a rainy weekday, the pub was considerably busy and their choice of tables or stools was limited, so they ended up sitting on a tiny table that was pushed against the wall, just under a large old and worn “Old Queen’s Head” mirror.

“Hey look, they have Coors Light!”

“No way. You’re not having a fucking bland Coors light in London. You need to try a proper ale!”

Noah tipped his head back in laughter, his eyes closed trying to push back the tears at the ridiculousness of the statement.

“You?! You are going to give me lessons on real ales and beer?”

“When in Rome…” came the cocky answer.

Dan approached the bar to order their drinks and couldn’t stop marvelling at the décor of the bar. Not that he had noticed in his way in, but the interior design matched the intricate patterns and colour palette of the façade outside. The emerald green tiles behind the drinks wall were carefully illuminated with yellow lights that gave the patterns an extra dimension. The wooden ceiling caught Dan’s eye too, and that’s how the bartender met him, looking up, mouth open wide, murmuring under his breath about the delicacy of the design.

“Alright there mate?”

“Ha, sorry, yeah…” Dan’s chuckle and surprised answer came out. “Two pints of London Pride, please”

“Nine quid, please”

As Dan approached the table where Noah was waiting, he noticed him staring into a mirror and looking more pensive than he would have expected, judging by their previous humorous conversation and the joyous mood they had enjoyed all afternoon so far.

Noah’s gaze was directed into the mirror, but he wasn’t focusing on anything in particular. His mind had travelled miles and had left his body sitting there waiting to come back. Dan’s return with their drinks startled him back into reality.

“Everything ok? You looked lost in thought there for a second”

“Yeah... I saw a woman over there that reminded me of my mum and got thinking back to the last time I saw her… It’s been a while, Dan. Haven’t talked to her in a while”

“And why’s that?”

Noah took a sip of his beer, licking his lips at the taste of the dense, full-bodied, beverage. He held the glass in his hands, lifting the pint in front of him, staring into the drink before he decided to answer the question.

“Not sure. I’m a shit son?”

“Come on, don’t say that. You know you love your parents”

“God, yes. I do love them, that’s why it’s even worse that I haven’t talked to them in such a long time”

“Don’t be silly, don’t beat yourself up. Why don’t you call now? It must be around 9am at home. She’ll be up.”

“Don’t know Daniel, now is not the moment”

“Promise you’ll call before the show tonight”

“Ok…” The answer wasn’t convincing but Dan let it go.

“And now tell me a good memory. Something that makes you smile when you think of her”

Noah was staring back into the nothingness, into the depth of the aged mirror, but his gaze was warmer now, kinder.

“She used to sing at me at bedtime. Every night. Even into my teens. There was a moment when I had to say to her ‘ _this is ridiculous mum, you need to stop coming into my room at night to sing to me’._ It was my teenager arrogance, but in reality I desperately missed it when she finally took notice and stopped doing it.”

Noah had a soft smile on his face as he was telling this story. Dan couldn’t help but absorb the warmth radiating from this anecdote and smile back as he listened. He was feeling warm inside and out, maybe it was due to the heating in the pub or perhaps it was the ale working wonders, but Dan felt a sudden rush of love and affection towards this gorgeous man sitting opposite him.

Noah continued his tale.

“There was this song, one of her favourites… You would have thought that I’m able to remember the words, but all I can remember is the tune. I always carry that tune with me. It follows me everywhere. I think of it at night sometimes when I’m feeling homesick. I think of it in the bath when I’m relaxing. I think of it when I’m happy and also when I’m sad. It’s just so beautiful”

“I’m sure she’d be glad to hear this, that this little tune has followed you into adulthood… You should tell her.”

“I may” Noah said, his warm smile turning into a full-face grin as he stared Dan into his eyes, breaking the nostalgic spell. “Thanks Dan” he said after one beat.

“Whatever for?”

“For listening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pub described is this one: https://theoldqueenshead.com/gallery/
> 
> A couple of friends and I stumbled into it on a rainy afternoon late last summer, and I was as fascinated by the decor as I attempt to describe here.


	7. Los Angeles, United States

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I remember that night when the sushi came  
> and you said if you think about the game then you lose the game  
> and if I come back to this town it won’t be the same  
> I’ll just hide behind my accordion  
> so I ain’t ever goin out on the road again

The plane landed at LAX Airport on the early evening of a Thursday in late October. It had been an uneventful flight where both Dan and Noah opted for either reading a book or watching some TV programs on the in-flight screens. There wasn’t much talking between them, so wrapped in the comfort of their own company, the familiarity of spending time next to each other so ingrained after two wonderful weeks of being inseparable.

They grabbed their luggage and took a taxi to Dan’s house where Noah was going to be staying overnight before catching another flight back to Toronto the following day. The peaceful silence they had enjoyed on the plane grew into an uncomfortable quietness throughout the entire taxi journey and into the moment they put their bags down on the floor and stopped to look at each other.

They stood there for a moment, looking around and avoiding each other’s gaze.

Dan turned dramatically to face Noah, and with a growing smile on his face he said:

“Guess what I am thinking about right now”

Noah didn’t know how to approach this question. Where was Dan going with it? Was it about them and their relationship? Or was it something completely unrelated? With a bit of uncertainty in his voice and in his look, he replied:

“What?”

“I was thinking about the game, and now that I’ve lost the game, you’ve lost the game too”, Dan said with the biggest toothy smile on his face

“Ohh for fuck’s sake Daniel!!! It’s been two years!!”

The roaring laughter between the both of them completely disseminated the bizarre atmosphere that had slowly been growing between them in the last hour. They laughed and laughed, tears of joy escaping the corners of their eyes, grabbing each other’s arms in order to not fall on the ground as their knees failed them.

When they finally regained their composure, they both started manoeuvring around the house like nothing had happened, with a familiarity in their movements that just felt right. It was obvious that they both had plenty of thoughts dancing around their heads as they carried out the menial chores. Dan was the first one the break the eerie spell.

“It’s good to be home”

“Mhm”, the fondness behind Noah’s eyes doing most of the talking.

“Are you hungry, do you fancy ordering something in for dinner?”

“I could have a bite. What do you fancy?”

“Nothing too heavy… Sushi?”

“Ok then. Can you order while I change into something comfy?”

The last two weeks had been intense. Not only because of the almost constant travelling, not being able to settle in just one place, in addition to the extra pressure of having to perform in every city. It had been intense because it gave Dan and Noah a taste of what their life together could possibly look like one day – if either of them had the guts to broach the subject.

Those declarations that had been murmured into each other’s necks and lips while drunk had been hovering over them since that fateful night in Vienna. They had been getting closer, more intimate. Their togetherness more passionate. But in the moments of sobriety, those affirmations did not come so easily, they stayed behind elusive conversations.

 _Let me give you the world_ , Noah had said in a drunken frenzy. And he thought he had meant it. Would he be able to gather the courage to have the conversation that they needed to have? Noah was going back to Toronto the following day, they couldn’t put it off.

They settled on the couch, with some record playing in the background that Dan had put on earlier, and nibbled on their sushi, making some small talk about what they had read or watched on the plane. After a few minutes, with empty takeout boxes laying on the table, and their glasses ready to be refilled, they found themselves looking at each other with tenderness overflowing through.

“What happens next?”, Noah braved himself to ask.

“We take this to the bedroom?”

Noah looked down, closed his eyes and shook his head gently, curling his lips slightly upwards.

“No, Daniel. Next as in tomorrow, and next week, and next month. With _us_ ”

“Oh”

“Yeah”

Noah had found the strength in himself to bring the subject up, but he needed to know how Dan felt before he made any of his unspoken thoughts known. Noah had spent many hours exploring the options, trying to put some order to the mess in his head, trying to find solutions to this puzzle that was not going to be easy to solve. Noah loved Canada and had been very clear in the past about wanting to have his life there. And Dan… well, Dan loved Canada too, but he had made the choice to settle in LA, a place that Noah hated.

While Dan was trying to put words to his thoughts, Noah continued:

“I don’t want to move to LA, you know I don’t like it here. And I don’t want to try a long-distance relationship either”

Dan had a blank look on his face that Noah couldn’t quite read. Puzzled by this look, Noah added:

“That’s if you want a future for us?”

Silence.

Deafening silence.

Dan was looked down, avoiding Noah’s gaze. He was shifting on his seat, his left foot nervously tapping and his hands rubbing against each other.

“What… what did you think this was, Daniel?” Noah’s voice was high, incredulous, almost angry.

“I don’t know. We’re having fun”

“Yes, we’re having fun, but I want more. Do you not want more?”

“Fuck, of course I do! But…”

Noah stood up in shock. That hesitance in Dan’s voice, the way that _but_ had been dragged felt like a dagger to his heart. He just couldn’t believe the scene unfolding in front of him. It felt like he was watching from the outside and wondered who these people in front of him were, he couldn’t recognise them. They definitely weren’t the same people that had just spent two amazing weeks travelling across Europe, trusting and loving each other, at every step.

Dan stood up and followed Noah around the living room to where he had moved to. He straightened himself up and said in an inflexible voice:

“You’re just not giving me many options, are you? You have completely shut off two out of the only three possibilities that we could take this forward… you’re not willing to compromise, and you’re putting me in a position where I have to choose between my life here, my career and you. And to be totally honest, Noah, I am not sure I am ready to make that decision right here, right fucking now”

Noah was astonished. Dismayed.

“Right. Gotcha”

Noah went back to the bedroom and took his suitcase. Without uttering another word, he headed to the front door and opened it. He paused for a second to look back at Dan before leaving, allowing a single tear to roll down his cheek. The cold look in Dan’s face chilled him to the bone. He closed the door behind him and left.

A week later.

Back in Toronto, Noah had tried to resume his life and put Dan out of his mind. He tried to hide behind his music. He was writing more than ever. Maybe it was true that the best songwriters are those with a broken heart. Noah was playing the guitar and piano, and had even dusted off his well-loved accordion, which had been sitting forgotten in a box since he moved to this apartment two years before.

But everything was futile. Dan occupied 99% of his thoughts and he couldn’t but keep going back to that last conversation again and again in his mind, reliving it word-by-word, trying to figure out what he would do differently if he had another chance.

Another chance. He needed another chance.

He checked his phone for the millionth time that day, desperately hoping to find a text message or a voicemail from Dan. But again, there was nothing.

He swallowed his pride and pressed the call button. The phone rang and rang and rang, until Noah thought it would go to voicemail, when at the last second Dan answered, his voice sounded tired.

“Hey”

“Hi. Can you talk?”

“Yes”

But then, no one spoke. The just stayed there, on the line, for what felt like hours. Just listening to each other’s breathing. Noah thought he could hear some trembling, as if Dan was getting ready to say something and then didn’t.

“I miss you so much” Noah finally whispered.

“God, I miss you too” Dan replied, voice wobbly and brittle.

Noah let out a whine.

“Please Noah, give me another chance... I fucked up so much. I’ll come to you if that’s what it takes. I just need you. I love you so fucking much”

“No, you were right. I wasn’t willing to compromise, but this week has been hell, Daniel. I’ve missed you with every inch of my being. I can’t bear the thought of being away from you for another second. I will come to you. I’ll move to LA”.

“No way, not going to make you do that. I’m coming to you. _I’m coming home_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In researching ideas for this fic, I came across "the game". Now, I had never heard of "the game" in my life, so I asked on a writers group on Facebook whether I could use the sentence without people automatically thinking about "the game"... It turns out I *upset* a lot of people, because I made them lose the game when asking my question. So, sorry if I've made you lose the game too, but I blame Noah, for putting it in his song to start with :D
> 
> Thanks so much for reading so far, and I hope you've enjoyed this.


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